Q: My friend was planning to get married in May of 2020. For obvious reasons, they decided to postpone. We haven’t talked much since undergrad, other than the virtual game we were in together, but I am a bridesmaid in her wedding (though a thankfully low effort one; I had to ask about a dress only to get told it’s “just wear your Hogwarts house colors”) and am very excited to participate in her wedding whenever it gets to happen. Their wedding is currently rescheduled for May 2021.

I also am sort of unofficially engaged (should be official soon!) and I really want to get married in May of next year. Whenever we get married will be our anniversary forever, and May is a good time for us for personal reasons. We don’t really want to wait any longer, and our plan is more along the lines of “very small wedding over Zoom if necessary” than “reschedule the party until all our friends can be there.” That time frame is important to me, and has been in my head for years, as well as being something I’ve discussed with my FH.

Is it rude to schedule my wedding before my friend’s which would probably end up being 2-3 weeks before? Obviously, we don’t know when the pandemic is going to be over and big weddings will actually be safe, but I don’t want to hope that her wedding gets postponed AGAIN, and I don’t want to rely on that to make this okay, either.

I’m worried that it won’t be reciprocal if I don’t invite her to my wedding when I’m in her wedding party and that if I do invite her that’s adding more stress to her wedding planning (I assume the last few weeks are a big deal for getting things in order, and she wouldn’t want to worry about travel arrangements, etc. during that time if travel is a thing by then). But I also don’t want to postpone my wedding just because she had to! How do I navigate this?

—Might Be The Married Bridesmaid 

With smaller weddings becoming commonplace in the midst of this pandemic we’re seeing more couples really lean into that idea. So if MBMB and their partner want to have their intimate wedding before their friend is that considered rude? Considering the times, Do you say just say go for it? How would you approach your friend with your plan? Let us know in the comments!



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