Marriage is a relationship in which partners have expectations from each other. Half hidden, unspoken and sometimes childish expectations about married life push husbands and wives in their realization stage. Things are different before marriage when the “chemical” of infatuation is high among the partners. Generally during that period, lovers don’t expect much from each other but try to please their companion in every way. They buy gifts and wait for the moment when their companion opens it and gives a joyful reaction.
The love life is largely driven by emotions that people have created by reading books, magazines and watching television and movies. The set of rules begin forming in our minds when we are in our childhood and teen years and want to see the world with our own eyes. This is the age when majority of people develop fantasies about their life partners, shadi mandap, shadi decorations, and wedding songs etc. Along with that, most of us absorb silent imperatives about the roles wives and husbands from our parents, society, religious and cultural affiliations. Teenaged romances and close friendships also shape our expectations.
The toughest part is when the fantasies start to tumble out after marriage. Even the couples who do a mandir wedding after years of having a live-in relationship face such issues. The happy ever after love story is not based on one partner meeting all the expectations of the other. Therefore partners need to realize that imaginary fantasies about what your spouse do and shouldn’t do are dangerous and can ruin even a perfect marriage.
Holding your spouse responsible for something that you have only in your mind is an impossible standard to meet. Science has not yet invented a gadget that can read a person’s mind and till then, communicating personally with each other about your expectations is a good idea. This article is not stating that a person should not have any expectation from the partner. However, you should know your limit. Sit together and share your thoughts on understanding each other’s point of view about certain marriage perceptions that are common, such as what does being a couple mean? Keeping things alive and colorful just as the wedding flowers and wedding decorations is important. Talk about how are you going to take care of your finances after marriage? Will you support each other in case of financial problems, illness, sadness and other not so happy moments? How much will you let family interfere in your personal life after marriage? Will you open a joint account or want to spend money individually? Thinking about such questions together will enable you to identify your own and your partner’s expectations and you will be in a better position to take care of any disagreement with each other.