Your wedding vows are both the heart of your wedding ceremony and the foundation of your marriage. The best wedding vows are sweeping and fairly general formal statements. Each couple must choose their words and agree upon their meaning. Before you craft those vows, do some serious marriage planning. Determine how you and your partner will best balance your personal needs and your relationship realities in each of the ways in which you are intimate.
What does that mean for your sexual intimacy and how does your sexual intimacy shape your wedding vows and your marriage? What kind of sexual intimacy are you and your beloved willing to commit to keep your marriage whole and healthy?
We are by nature people of passion. Our sexual urges are a glorious part of us. And our responsible response to those urges makes life grand. For too long much of America has been both repressed and obsessed about sex. Too many of us have not learned to glory in our sexuality.
Maturing sexually with a beloved partner can expand life’s boundaries immensely. And it’ll make a great and happy marriage. But that means we need to take a good look at our own habits and sensibilities and see how they match our partner’s, how we can transform them for greater health and enjoyment and how we can keep deepening our marriage.
Unlike many people whom I see writing these days, I don’t think this is a question of sex toys and adventurous positions. That may or may not be part of our expression of our sexuality. But new toys are only effective if we’re passionate about life, ourselves, our marriage and one another.
Answer some questions:
- What are you passionate about in life? What excites you? How do you express that? How do you hold back from expressing that? What taught you to hold back.
- How does your partner inspire you to be a better and more alive person?
- What did you learn about sex as a child? What do you know about your parents’ sexuality? Was there any openness about their passion for one another?
- What has your sexual experience taught you about your body? Do you know how to enjoy it? Do you know what turns you on (and off)?
- Do you have roadblocks to enjoying your body? These will range from my body isn’t perfect to trauma to learned inhibitions. What are you doing, what are you willing to do to let go of those things so that you might have a fuller, more exciting sexual life that you share with your partner?
- Are you adept at considering your partner’s pleasure as well as your own?
- Are you adept at engaging your partner in and engaging with your partner in not only sex, but also passionate celebration of yourselves, one another and your marriage?
- What has your sexual experience and your loving experience with your partner taught you about your partner’s body?
We need to know and honor our sexuality. And we need to know and honor our partner’s. How we offer ourselves to our partners and how we accept what they offer us is important. The goal of your sexual life is healthy, mutually satisfying pleasure and comfort.
Answer these questions and figure out on what you would base your wedding vow about your sexual engagement. Why not consider a promise in your wedding vows to celebrate your partner’s sexuality? “My love, I will not withhold my passion from my life or our marriage. I will keep reaching for you in love that we might be always satisfied and always yearning.”
Tuck your answers into your Marriage Planning Binder and keep referring back to your questions and your answers throughout your life together. They will help you move through your marriage. And a wedding ceremony in which passion is celebrated will not only encourage your community’s support of your marriage, it just might electrify theirs as well. Wouldn’t that be a nice community gift! With my body I thee worship, indeed! Isn’t life grand?