One of the 10 Commandments of Marriage is, Never Go To Bed Angry. It’s a good line to add to your vows when writing your own wedding or commitment vows: “I promise that I will not put my head on the pillow until we have cleared the air of any disagreements or problems.”
I thought this idea was so important I put it into the 10 Commandments of Marriage. It’s #7. I’m going to move it up to #5 and follow it with ‘Do little things for each other.” and 8, “Go out on dates.”
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The reason I’m moving this vow up in importance is that I realize that if you don’t clear the air before you go to sleep then it’s harder to do little things for each other the next day because there is a tension that interferes with your thinking.
That tension is there because if you go to bed with all those unresolved emotions that is what you sleep on. That is what you wake up to. You’ll probably not even read your vows as I have suggested you do every night.
Reading your vows every night is powerful but not a magic elixir if you ignore the tension between the two of you.
Make no bones about it, if you have unresolved issues between the two of you then you will not put your focus where it needs to be the next day. You will be caught in distraction that really could be dangerous. Or you miss opportunities.
But the worst of it is that whatever distance the situation caused will continue to grow wider and wider until it seems cavernous, like the Grand Canyon.
At some point you will begin to add other things and annoyances to the situation and even forget what the real problem was.
One of the reasons why I want you and your partner to write your vows together is for more than giving voice to a dream of your life together. It is to set in motion a remembered intimate situation that was totally nonthreatening.
Before you even get into bed resolve your differences.
Talking out your frustration, anger, sadness, or disappointment at night will save you time, energy and mistakes the next day.